Entry: Ponderous and mulling over.. Wednesday, October 05, 2005




Am i having an identitly crisis now?

WHy do i keep questioning my own decions and views?

Why question and berate myself when i know fully well what my capabilities are?

Is today's performance a preview of my inadequacy or a foreshadowing of many more such episodes to come?

Or should i be in denial,consoling myself by saying that it was merely a case of the jitterbugs seeing that its the first time? HMM..BULLSHIT.

"Aiya Ming, dont worry la. First time only. Don worry. Everyone also liddat.."

yeah..how i wish. If only i dont set such high standards for myself.

Berating myself seems the best option right now. But then again the question that rises is am i being harsh on myself. Bwargh.Seems to me its yes.

I'm 18  going on 19. Shouldn't i have MYSELF figured out by now? Obviously i havent..or i wouldnt be in this predicament now would i?

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